Took Me 500 Shows To Get This Joke Right
Why 'some chocolates, some flowers, and a card' isn't funny, but 'chocolatesflowerscard' is.
By Mark Whitney
Writing for the spoken word is different from writing for the written word, in that proper grammar need not apply to words spoken. This is especially true when humor is involved.
The following short clip is a multi-part joke announcing the thesis of “Fool For A Client”, the 75 minute political dramedy I wrote, produced, and toured internationally on the independent theatre circuit from 2007-2011. I performed iterations of this show nearly 500 times over five seasons, before finally deciding to point a few cameras at it.
Transcript · Studio Theatre, Washington DC · 2010
At 51, my wife Julie and I are among the last of the Baby Boomers, a generation raised perhaps more than any other on the promise of the American dream. But somewhere along the line, we evolve into the generation of internally inconsistent ideologies.
[THESIS] We’re the generation of tolerance and zero tolerance. [Chuckles]
[SETUP] Tolerance is when it’s my kid. [Chuckles]
[PAYOFF] Zero tolerance is when it’s your little piece of shit! [Laughter]
[SETUP] Tolerance is the lowest form of acceptance. [Chuckles]
[TENSION] Don’t believe me—this your wife right here? Okay. What I want you to do, on the way home, pick up some chocolates, flowers, card that says, “I tolerate you…” [Laughter]
[TAG] Let me know how that goes for ya’! [Laughter]
This is the original 43-word final element of the foregoing joke, which received snickers.
“Don’t believe me? Is this your wife right here? Okay. What I want you to do, on the way home tonight, pick up some chocolates, some flowers, and a card that says, ‘I tolerate you — let me know how that goes for you.”
The version from the clip which receives laughs, gets us to “I tolerate you” five words faster.
Don’t believe me? This your wife right here? Okay. What I want you to do, on the way home, pick up some chocolates, flowers, card that says, “I tolerate you…” Let me know how that goes for ya’!
When I tell this joke today it is way more efficient. At just 25 words, the Setup Velocity is 30% faster and 100% more rhythmic.
“Don’t believe me? You together?
After the show pick up some chocolatesflowerscard says, ‘I tolerate you—
Lemme know how that goes for ya’!”
Now it’s like a waltz. Can you hear the music?
Beat 1: pick up some chocolatesflowerscard
Beat 2: says, ‘I tolerate you’—
Beat 3: Lemme know how that goes for ya’!
In my script it’s “chocolatesflowerscard” because I don’t want my mind’s eye to see commas or white spaces when I bring the page to the stage.
When I recorded Fool 16 years ago, I was convinced I had optimized the Setup Velocity of the final beat—that it couldn’t be improved.
Turns out the joke was on me all along.