Today on America’s Coach Live! Mark Whitney exposes the biggest grift in America: the illusion of legitimate opportunity. From Trump Mobile’s golden phones to Smartless Mobile’s celebrity hustle, to $250,000 college degrees handed out by sock puppets, Mark shows how flim-flam is the prestige business model of the U.S. economy. With stories from prison law libraries, legal loopholes, and debt-fueled education scams, this episode delivers a masterclass in subversion, satire, and survival. Why chase employment when flimflam pays better? Why borrow six figures to learn to code when the mascot giving your diploma is literally Kermit the Frog?
Show Notes — America's Coach (June 18, 2025)
Recorded Live In San Diego, CA · 9:00A Pacific
Theme: Find Your Flim-flam
“Prison’s a great place to practice law. Everyone’s got legal problems!”
“What if employment is the scam and flim-flam is the model?”
“I wasn’t running a racket. I was doing charity—with postal money orders.”
“You know why they have volleyball in prison? So we don’t kill the guards.”
“Roadside assistance is one of the biggest scams on the planet. Cars don’t break anymore.”
“If you wouldn’t hand your last $100K to a college, why would you borrow it?”
“University of Maryland couldn’t find a commencement speaker that wouldn’t offend Trump—so they brought in Kermit the Frog.”
“I’ve been paying the felony tax for 35 years. Now it’s your turn to pay me.”
UNOFFICIAL TRANSCRIPT (video is authoritative)
COLD OPEN — JIMMY KIMMEL BANTERS WITH THE SMARTLESS GUYS
”Yeah, you got an idea that, I don't know, it might be yacht-worthy. We're going to talk about it when we come back. You mean Smartless Mobile? Yeah, Smartless Mobile. The next time you're on the show, it's a good possibility you'll be billionaires. Even we don't believe that. We'll be right back.”
SHADOE STEVENS
Ladies and gentlemen, from San Diego, California—Mark Whitney.
COACH
Good morning, everybody. Let's do this. I'm here wrapped in the flag. I am America's Coach. I am Mark Whitney. It is nine o'clock on Wednesday morning, June 18th. It is 64 degrees and partly cloudy in Del Mar, California and we're going to talk about money today. We're going to talk about debt—and we're going to do it this way.
DONALD TRUMP JR. HUMPS TRUMP MOBILE
Today, we're here to introduce Trump Mobile: telemedicine on their phone for one flat monthly fee. Roadside assistance in their cars.
COACH
That greasy little weasel!
Here's my question: what if that's the model? What if this is a flim-flam economy? It's a flim-flam economy, and you need your flim-flam. They got their flim-flam. They're going to syndicate a Chinese phone that they buy for 150 bucks and sell it for 500 bucks after spray-painting it gold. Greasy, sawed-off, little weasel, right?
Well, don’t tell that to Jason Bateman!
JIMMY KIMMEL AND SMARTLESS GUYS HUMP SMARTLESS MOBILE
Hey, listen—who wants to save money? Why do I feel like Sean and Will have already switched your service over to the new Smartless level and Jason just never will? No, no, no, my phone says Smartless, top right corner. We're the first. By the way, we’re the first. You guys can do it right now. We'd love to get you on it. Download the app. It’s fantastic. Yeah, I'll get on it. Yeah, I feel like we just bought a timeshare. I know, yeah. We're going to get you switched over for sure. We're going to be taken care of. Thank you, thank you for that.
COACH
I mean, they are humping these phones like a Trump. On Jimmy Kimmel Live—it was a 16-minute interview. The last five minutes, they're sitting there talking about their syndicated phone service.
Now, why am I talking about this? Well, let me tell you why.
Let’s go to the Skycam.
Camera five, here we go. Yesterday’s Wall Street Journal: “Young graduates are facing an employment crisis.” An employment crisis. That’s their words, not mine. It’s a crisis.
Think about it—especially if you grew up in a small town. I grew up in a small town in Vermont. The capital of Vermont is 7,000 people. The largest city is 30,000. I grew up in a town of 4,000. The town nearby, Rutland, Vermont—where Killington ski area is—is like a crack den now. There are no jobs. They’ve been gutted by tech companies.
This show is called America’s Coach, but I actually thought about calling it America’s Felon. And I thought, you know what? The president has that. He really has that brand. And if I had known 35 years ago when I lied to the bank that that would be a glide path to being president of the United States, we'd be having a very different conversation. I wouldn’t be here wrapped in a flag sweatshirt kind of winking at you.
But let me tell you something: I’ve always had a flim-flam. What Trump is doing, what Jason Bateman is doing, what the Smartless guys are doing—it’s called syndication. That’s what I call it.
Even when I was in prison, I had a flim-flam. I was running a racket. All the other prisoners, the 900 other prisoners, they went to the gym. They lifted weights. They played volleyball, basketball. You know why they have that? So we don’t kill the guards. It’s not for the prisoners. It’s to protect the guards.
My racket? I went to the law library. Every prison is a great place to practice law. Everybody has legal problems. I turned myself into the world’s greatest criminal lawyer and I was running a racket.
Donald Trump Jr. and Eric Trump have assured everybody that the president is not running the organization. And I believe them—in the same way that, when I was locked up and did 700 days in five federal prisons, I had a relationship with the government. So I was just like the president. When Donald Trump Jr. says the president is not involved, that’s true—in the same way that I wasn’t involved in running a racket because the mobsters and fraudsters I helped had their wives and girlfriends send postal money orders to my wife. Technically, I wasn’t involved. It was charity.
Let me ask you a question. If Donald Trump wasn’t president, would there be such a thing as Trump Mobile?
Would Donald Trump Jr. be doing anything except shooting elephants and cutting off their tails?
Job crisis? What if you don’t need a job? You need a flim-flam. What if the flim-flam is the model—and the job is a joke? What if trying to get a job is the sucker’s bet?
I’ve always had a flim-flam. When I got out of prison, I took the system I created to get myself out of prison, and I syndicated it. Just like these assholes are syndicating these phones. They don’t own the towers. They don’t own the cellular networks. They don’t own the satellites.
The Trump phone is more expensive than Cricket Wireless. Trump 47 plan—47th president, 47 dollars. And what’s the best part? Roadside assistance, telehealth, and pharmacy benefits. It’s all about capturing your card.
I own a domain: capturemycard.com. Not active yet. But soon, you’ll be able to go there, enter your credit card, and every month we charge $9.95 just to confirm it still works.
That’s what the Trumps are selling. The phone subscription. The roadside assistance. The telehealth. All of it. Three recurring subscriptions in one.
Who needs roadside assistance? Cars don’t break anymore. I live in Southern California. I never see anybody on the roadside unless they’re getting pulled over. Roadside assistance is one of the biggest flim-flams on the planet.
Telehealth subscription? Biggest flim-flam going.
Everyone’s got a flim-flam—except you.
When I got out of prison, I went to some folks with a case law database and said, “Let’s syndicate that.” I built a database with all the emails of all the lawyers in the country and spammed the hell out of them for 15 years. That company is still in business: thelaw.net.
That’s my flim-flam. What’s yours?
Maybe your kids are in 10th grade and 9th grade, doing AP everything. Good grades. Helping the homeless. Taking ballet or fencing. Resume is locked and loaded. Going Ivy League. Financed with student loans.
Wall Street Journal—page one, employment crisis. A few pages later? “Best Graduate Student Loans in 2025.”
Page one: No jobs.
Page two: Take on debt.
Let me tell you about student loans. My oldest son—UC San Diego. Did it in 3 years. MBA from SDSU. All cash. No debt. Total cost: $35,000.
But I want to tell you about my wife.
Valedictorian in 1977. Graduated college with honors. At age 55, she decides to go to law school. She gets in. We’re ready to write checks—tuition was $60K/year. But based on her 4.0 from high school and a high LSAT, they reduced her tuition to $7,500/year. No means testing. She got her law degree for under $25,000.
If you’re wealthy with high scores, law school is free. If you’re low-income with mediocre scores, you pay full price.
They need that student loan money. And they use people like my wife as bait.
They know who’s going to finish. They know who’s going to drop out. They’ve got the numbers. It’s a casino.
Law schools don’t care if 40% drop out. They still get the money. And those loans stick with you until death. They can be refinanced. But that’s just indentured servitude.
No means testing. No one asked if we could pay cash. It’s a bait and switch.
The Wall Street Journal has its flim-flam. The Trumps have theirs. Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, and Will Arnett make $11M each to host Smartless. Just signed a $100M deal with SiriusXM. And they’re selling phones.
And it’s T-Mobile! They are Big Wireless. “Don’t get outsmarted.” They are Big Wireless.
Would you take $100,000 and push it across the table to your favorite grad school? Of course not. Yet people borrow that amount every day for school.
Five years ago, the advice was “Learn to code.” Dumbest thing you could do.
You’re better off doing what I’m doing. Build a platform. Learn to communicate. Be independent.
And here’s the punchline: University of Maryland—$250,000 for a four-year degree. And the commencement speaker? Kermit the Frog.
Not kidding. Kermit the Frog. They couldn’t find a speaker who wouldn’t offend Trump, so they brought in a sock puppet.
Meanwhile, you can’t borrow $20K to start a business—but you can borrow unlimited money to go to college, and that debt sticks forever.
So if you wouldn’t give your last $100K to a college, why would you borrow it?
I’ve always had a flim-flam. And this is my new one—five days a week, America’s Coach.
35 years ago, I lied to a bank. Fucked up my life.
Now I’m here to fuck up yours—for just $9.95 a month.
That includes two guarantees:
No roadside assistance. Call your stepdad.
No telemedicine. You want a man in a white coat—not a chatbot asking if your rash has a name.
Act now. Go to americascoach.com. That’s americascoach.com. Not to be confused with American Coach (RVs) or America’s Cooch—a domain currently owned by Attorney General Pam Bondi.
My name is Mark Whitney. This is America’s Coach. To reach out, email coach@americascoach.com.
We’ll see you tomorrow.
SHADOE STEVENS
Keep Banging!
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